Roll Over Roly Read online

  6 Life Is a Splendid Robe

  “REST TIME,” DECLARED Great Aunt Ada when the plates were cleared away. “Gangplank up. Batten the hatches.”

  “I don't have rests,” said Rupert, quite astonished.

  “I do,” said Great Aunt Ada, as if that settled it. Rupert remembered his mother's words: “People her age grew up in a different world. They're simply not used to children arguing back. They think it's rude. So, whatever she says, just go along with her, and we'll be back at half-past four to rescue you. It's a promise.”

  “Right then,” Rupert told Great Aunt Ada. “Rest time it is.”

  She found him one or two things to keep him amused through his quiet time. One was The Giant Book of Battles. (“Your Great Uncle Percy lost a finger in that one,” she said, pointing at one of the pictures.) And another thing was a kaleidoscope.

  “Brilliant!” said Rupert, holding it to the light and twisting it to watch the colours tumble from one astonishing pattern to the next. “Brilliant!”

  “It's one of my best ones,” she admitted. “It took me ages.”

  He stared at her in wonder. “You made this?”

  “They're not all that difficult,” she told him. “They just take a good deal of care and time. But all you really need is a nice bit of wood, some oil, and shards of coloured glass.”

  His eyes lit up.

  “If I ever have to come again because of a funeral, will you show me how?”

  She laughed at him. “Don't be a dilly! The next funeral in this family is likely to be mine.”

  “Oh!” He was startled. “I'm sorry.”

  “Not to worry,” she assured him cheerfully. “That's how it goes. Life is a splendid robe. Its only fault is its short length.”

  Rupert said shyly, “I could come round and visit you anyway…”

  “Not till that dog's learned some manners,” Great Aunt Ada said.

  And left the room.

  7 Roll Over, Roly!

  HE DIDN'T MEAN to fall asleep. He wasn't really tired. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he half-remembered hearing poor Roly scrabbling desperately at some closed door, and muffled barks. But after that, the only thing he heard was Great Aunt Ada snoring through the wall when he woke up.

  And thumping.

  Strange, irregular thumps.

  And squawkings. Lifting his head from the pillow, he could hear squawks.

  And more thumps.

  More squawks.

  Squawk.

  Thump.

  Squawk.

  Thump.

  Rupert slid off the bed and crept to the door.

  Squawk!

  Thump!

  He crept along the hall.

  Squawk! Thump! Squawk! Thump!

  Then silence.

  Rupert crept closer and put his ear flat against the door. Inside, he could hear scrabbling, and then his own voice, sharp with irritation.

  “Just sit and behave, please!”

  The parrot was using his voice. Rupert was astonished. He'd only told Gordon off once – for flicking grit on the carpet. He knew parrots were brilliant at copying noises and voices. But, still, it was amazing.

  There was another short scrabble. Then, “Stop that! Sit! Roll over, Roly!”

  It was his own voice again, to the life. The imitation was so perfect that if his own mother had been standing there beside the door, she would have thought that it was him.

  Another silence. Then, “Jump, you dozy lump! Up! Down! Faster!”

  Rupert could tell from the mixture of voices that this was partly Great Uncle Percy shouting, and partly himself getting ratty about having to push the vacuum cleaner in straight lines.

  Then, “Absolute rubbish!” (Great Uncle Percy again.)

  More scrabbling. Then, “Roly, come back!” (His own voice.)

  A short burst of vacuum cleaner.

  One or two express trains.

  Then, “Roll over, Roly! Jump! Jump, you dozy lump! Up! Down!”

  Now Rupert could hear panting. And a whimper. But, almost at once, he heard his own voice saying through the door, “Oh, hush! Just sit and behave, please!”

  Instantly, there was silence through the door. In panic, Rupert pushed it open. And, sure enough, there on the carpet, looking as limp as Great Aunt Ada's furry window-washing cloth, was poor little Roly, tired out.

  “Jump!” screeched the parrot again, ignoring Rupert.

  Terrified, Roly scrambled to his feet, and jumped.

  “Faster!” yelled Gordon. “Roll over! Faster! Faster!”

  Roly rolled over and jumped, faster and faster.

  Rupert was horrified. “Roly!” he called out. “Roly!”

  Roly spun round and saw him. He was about to

  hurl himself across the room into the safety of Rupert's outstretched arms, when Gordon screeched again.

  “Just sit and behave, please!”

  Instantly, Roly sat.

  Rupert called from the doorway. “Come here, Roly.”

  Gratefully, Roly hurtled across the carpet towards Rupert.

  “Roly, come back!” called the parrot, using Rupert's voice.

  Instantly, Roly ran back.

  Rupert was furious. “Shut up!” he yelled at Gordon. “Just shut up!” He reached out for Roly, who turned to gaze at him with pleading eyes, but didn't dare move till Gordon suddenly snapped, out of the blue, “Stop hanging about like an old lady! Go, go, go!”

  In a flash, Roly was across the room and safe in Rupert's arms. Rupert held him tight. He could feel his little pet's heart thumping. Furious with Gordon, he shouted at him from the doorway.

  “You are the meanest, nastiest, rudest –”

  Behind him, he heard a soft cough.

  Rupert swung round. Great Aunt Ada was in the hallway, looking the picture of innocence and holding a plate of biscuits.

  8 Accidents Will Happen

  “AFTER MY REST,” Great Aunt Ada said, “I usually have a little snack. Do come and join me.”

  Spotting the biscuits, Roly began struggling in Rupert's arms. Rupert bent down to release him, then turned to give the parrot one last angry look before following Great Aunt Ada into the kitchen.

  She was holding the plate at a very slippy angle.

  “Careful,” he warned. “You're –”

  Too late. One of the biscuits slid off on to the floor.

  Plop!

  Instantly, Roly made a dive for it.

  “Sit!” said Great Aunt Ada, without even turning round.

  Roly sat.

  Another biscuit dropped.

  “Sit!” repeated Great Aunt Ada.

  Roly lifted his backside a tiny bit from the floor. For a moment, it trembled. Then he obediently parked it back again.

  “There's a good boy,” said Great Aunt Ada, and gave Roly a biscuit to reward him.

  Rupert stared.

  “You try,” Great Aunt Ada said, handing Rupert the plate.

  “But –”

  “Go on. Have a go.”

  So Rupert had a go. He tipped the plate till yet another biscuit fell on the floor and broke in half. Roly jumped to his feet and set off after one of the bits.

  “Sit!” Rupert told him.

  Roly sat.

  “Excellent!” said Great Aunt Ada. “Let's see what else he's learned.” She moved her chair back safely. “Run round the table,” she told Rupert. “Get him excited.”

  “But –”

  “Go on.”

  So Rupert ran round the table, and, almost at once, Roly started after him, barking.

  “Be quiet!” said Great Aunt Ada.

  Roly fell silent.

  “There!” said Great Aunt Ada. “Very good indeed. Dear Gordon has made the most excellent start on his training.”

  Rupert gave Great Aunt Ada a suspicious look. “You locked poor Roly in there, didn't you?” he accused her. “You did it deliberately. You shut him in there on purpose! All through our rest time!”

&n
bsp; “On purpose?” Great Aunt Ada's eyes widened. “Good heavens, Rupert. In these little houses, doors are forever

  slamming shut. Accidents will happen.”

  She held the plate of biscuits out towards him.

  Furious, he ignored it.

  She offered it again. “Come along, Rupert,” she told him. “He who is angry at a feast is rude.”

  Biscuits were hardly a feast, Rupert thought bitterly. But, on the other hand, he didn't want to behave like Gordon the parrot.

  Absolutely not.

  So, curbing his temper, Rupert reached out for a double-filled chocolate Wagon Wheel with strawberry piping.

  And said thanks.

  9 Faster, You Dozy Lump! Faster!

  AND IT WAS wonderful to have a pet who came when he was called, and didn't spoil games by jumping up and barking all the time. First, they played Trackers through the garden. Then they played Alien Landing. Then they played Outlaws on the Run.

  And then, before he knew it, his parents' car was pulling up outside.

  Rupert rushed to the gate. Roly ran after him. As soon as his parents were out of the car, and looking, Rupert said proudly to Roly, “Sit!”

  And Roly sat.

  “Roll over!” said Rupert.

  Instantly, Roly rolled over and came up the right way without messing.

  “Well!” said his mother, and stared admiringly.

  His father said, “Smart idea, Rupert! A good way to spend the day: training Roly!”

  Rupert considered. He could just take a bow. (After all, he and Roly had been practising “Sit!” and “Be quiet!” and “Roll over!” all through Trackers and Alien Landing and Outlaws on the Run.)

  Or he could tell the truth.

  “Well,” he admitted. “Great Aunt Ada helped a lot.”

  He paused, and then added, “And so did Great Uncle Percy.”

  “Great Uncle Percy?” His mother looked puzzled. “But, Rupert, that's impossible. We've just come back from –”

  “I know,” said Rupert. “But he did help. Honestly. With his awful rudeness.”

  “Rudeness?” His mother shook her head. “No, Great Uncle Percy was never rude. He was the kindest, gentlest, sweetest man.”

  “That's right,” agreed Rupert's father. “I'm sure he never in his whole long life said a cross word.”

  “You ought to listen to his parrot,” Rupert said.

  “Gordon? Why, what does Gordon say?”

  Rupert was nowhere near as good as a parrot at copying voices. But still, he did his best.

  “Quickly!” he yelled. “Jump! Faster, you dozy lump! Stop hanging about like an old lady! Get on with it! Go, go, go!”

  His parents burst out laughing.

  “Oh, well,” said his mother. “You have to remember that, till last week, Gordon's cage was sitting right beside Great Uncle Percy's bed.”

  “In his room in that nursing home beside the railway line.”

  “Overlooking the racetrack.”

  Rupert's father was grinning. “It was probably the most exciting moment of the old soul's week.”

  “Imagine,” said Rupert's mother, “if the nurse puts a bet on a horse for you.”

  “And you can see it running past your window.”

  “You'd probably start yelling too.”

  “And set a bad example to your parrot.”

  His mother imitated Great Uncle Percy getting excited. “Get on with it, you dozy lump! Faster! Go, go, go!”

  His father joined in. “Quickly!” he shouted. “Stop hanging about like –”

  Suddenly spotting Great Aunt Ada waving from a glistening window, he stopped short. “Well,” he said, somewhat embarrassed. “I'm sure you get the idea.”

  Rupert's mouth had dropped open. “Horses!” he was saying. “Horses? Are you telling me Great Uncle Percy was just shouting at racehorses?”

  “Not really shouting at them,” said his mother. “More just urging them on, really.”

  “Encouraging them loudly.”

  “Hoping they'd win.”

  “See?” said his father. “Not really rude at all.”

  “He called them ‘Absolute rubbish!’ when they didn't win,” Rupert insisted stubbornly. “That's pretty rude.”

  “You'll have to teach Gordon better manners then,” his mother said.

  “Because I'm afraid he's yours now.”

  10 Good Manners Are Like Measles

  RUPERT STARED AT his mother. “Mine? Great Uncle Percy has left Gordon to me?”

  His mother sighed heavily. “So it seems.”

  She didn't sound delighted.

  Rupert considered. On the one hand, it would be interesting to have a parrot. Something to talk about at school. But, on the other hand, it would be horribly upsetting for Roly. He'd probably spend his whole time cowering under the bed. He'd be absolutely terrified.

  And that would be an awful shame, now he was trying so hard. He was almost perfect at “Sit!” and “Be quiet!” and “Roll over!”. And they were just about to start on “Fetch!” together. It would be such a pity if all the rest of Roly's training was spoiled because of that rude parrot.

  “Can I ask Great Aunt Ada if she'll keep Gordon for me? And I could see him when I come and visit her again.”

  “Visit her again?”

  “Yes,” Rupert said firmly. (After all, saying hello to a parrot couldn't take long. He'd still have time to learn to make kaleidoscopes. And, even when she'd taught him that, he wouldn't mind still coming. Now he looked back, he realized he'd really enjoyed his day with Great Aunt Ada.)

  “Yes,” he repeated. “I'd really like to come again. I would look forward to it.”

  His father put his hands on Rupert's shoulders and turned him round.

  Great Aunt Ada was standing there.

  “Go on then,” said his father. “Ask.”

  “Please,” said Rupert. “Please, Great Aunt Ada, will you keep Gordon for me, and let me visit? Often?”

  Great Aunt Ada looked pleased.

  “I'd be delighted,” she told him. “If you think that's best for Gordon.”

  “Oh yes,” said Rupert. “I do think

  that's best for him. Especially if he has to learn good manners.”

  As they strolled up the path into the house, to finish the cake and tell Gordon, Rupert explained to his parents.

  “You see, good manners are like measles. To get them, you really have to go where they already are.”

  He made a little face. “So it's probably better for me too, don't you think, to keep on visiting?”

  His parents laughed. And Great Aunt Ada winked. Rupert tried winking back. But that was one of the things he wasn't very good at yet.

  Perhaps she'd teach him that as well, next time he visited.

  He'd come soon.